Am L Allowed to Sit in at My Daughters High School Basketball Practiced

Basketball Coach's Corner

Basketball Tip

5 ways to help you son or daughter if they want to play at the college level

NBC Camps Director and 2014 National Champion Coach Rhett Soliday shares ways parents can help their children who desire to play basketball at the college level and beyond.

I have been a parent for almost 10 years now and a simple truth that mentors and peers alike have told me for years is now really beginning to ring true. I am not in control. This is an important truth, especially with our kids in athletics. The reason we want control when it comes to our kids is because we want so desperately to be able to provide them with safety, security, and the all-too-often sought after Holy Grail of comfort and happiness. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I have a tendency to want to be in control, I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." HELEN KELLER

So, why do parents often make the mistake of being over-involved, over-aggressive, and seemingly judgmental people toward coaches, officials, other parents and players, their own kids, etc…? It's usually not an issue of malice. Ultimately, we as parents want control because we love our kids so much. The line between OUR dreams for our kids and our kids' dreams becomes blurred. We spend so much time protecting our children when they're young from all the known every-day dangers of life, that when they get older and the unknown appears (lack of control), fear takes over and we miss out on allowing our children to grow into whom they can be, shaped by their dreams and not our own. Basketball translation: "when my child is faced with anything in basketball that could jeopardize his/her ability to find success, happiness, and ultimately comfort (which we work so hard to provide), I am going to try to exert some control over the situation to protect my child." While we focus on the danger that exists in our children not achieving something we believe they deserve to achieve, we actually usher in a danger that can't be seen coming. The danger we don't see coming is the danger in our kids' identities being formed without them having a true understanding of how to handle either success or failure and disappointment. Here's something to think about. As your kids get older, the level to which they will dream bigger dreams is often going to be in direct proportion to the level at which you allowed them to learn on their own how to handle THEIR successes and THEIR failures. What parent wants their children to dream small dreams and accomplish tiny goals? NOBODY! The older they get, your children's dreams have to become theirs and there are some really important things to consider as they pursue the dream of basketball. If your child has a dream of pursuing excellence in basketball, even beyond the high school level, I've included some tangible practices parents can engage in to let go of control in allowing kids to grow.

Create balance: If your child is anything like me, their passion for basketball can tend to create an overall life imbalance. They are allowed to pursue their dream as long as the rest of their life has balance (spiritually, academically, family, etc.). Parents who dream for their kids can tend to create an imbalance for their kids.

Play the Put-up game: A put-up is the opposite of a put-down. It doesn't feel good to get put-down. Conversely, it feels really good to get put-up. Parents should play the put-up game with their kids surrounding competition. Here's the kicker though, put-ups should always revolve around who your kids are and not how they performed. Here's why – when put-ups are performance based, kids will begin to associate the positivity that comes their way with performance. Likewise, if they don't perform well, and you still give them performance put-ups, they'll see right through that and the power of the put-up has been lost. Put-ups are best employed with regards to effort, character, integrity, sportsmanship, servanthood, responsibility, etc…

Camp is where they grow: Any experience where a child can break away from parents and peers and all the pressures that come with those relationships in order to pursue an experience that is all their own, do it! This is not a plug for NBC Camps, it's simply reality. My daughter attended a church retreat camp this year, her first full weekend away from her parents completely. We challenged her to consider throughout that weekend what things she was learning on her own, without anyone influencing her decisions at home, and then report back to us. We were amazed! If your child loves basketball, they will come home from NBC Camp with goals sets and motivation secured. The carry-over in all areas of their life will be astounding. This goes back to the issue of control. There is nothing better you can do for your child's maturity than to allow them to have this kind of experience in an awesome environment.

Timing of the next step: If your child has never mentioned wanting to play in college, give it through their sophomore year before you begin prodding, provoking and pressuring. Give it that time to see if it's truly their dream and if they want to pursue it. If, after your child's sophomore year, the love for the game is as strong as ever and they are beginning to show some signs of potential success, it may be time to start discussing to possibility of pursuing it more intentionally. Some kids will know from the time they are 8 years old that it's what they want to do and they are relentless in their pursuit of this dream. If that is the case, refer to #1

Challenge the process: When it becomes clear that your child is pursuing the dream of college basketball and it is their dream, you now have a wonderful opportunity to challenge the process in seeing them accomplishing that goal. Challenging the process means you serve as a sounding board for your child as they learn how to handle both success and failure. Each fork in the road will bring opportunities to provide guidance, perspective and maybe even the cold, hard truth as we all know at some point our children may look to find excuses why certain things aren't happening for them the way they want it to happen. Challenge them to find new and creative ways to give themselves an edge they need to be at their best.

Encourage the heart: Whether they succeed or fail in their pursuit of a dream, it is important that they feel encouraged to pursue something that is worth pursuing. Encouragement, similar to put-ups, is the fuel your child will ultimately live on as they strive toward accomplishment. Keep encouraging, don't ever stop, and be there to pick them up when they need it.

About NBC Basketball Camps

NBC Basketball Camps stands for Northwest Basketball Camps and we have been around since 1971. NBC Camps is the largest overnight basketball program in the world based on the principles of intensity, basketball excellence, and developing character on and off the court. If you are serious about basketball, you need to check out NBC Camps at www.nbccamps.com.

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Am L Allowed to Sit in at My Daughters High School Basketball Practiced

Source: https://www.ussportscamps.com/tips/basketball/5-ways-to-help-you-child-if-they-want-to-play-at-the-college-level

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